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Ally Kirser! Look here, degenerates, today we're diving into the abyss of depravity that is the world of VTubers. That's right—fake anime chicks getting naked, fake moaning into microphones, and fake everything else. If you're into that, grab a seat and enjoy. But let me tell you right now, I'm not into it. I'm here for the real deal: real pussy, real chicks, real moans, and real orgasms. None of this pixelated nonsense. I want a titty in my face, not on a goddamn screen. And don't even get me started on the dystopian hellscape that could be our future. Imagine this: every porn video, every amateur blowjob tape, every professional DP scene is wiped off the face of the earth. The government? Gone. Laws? Don't exist. All we have left are VTubers, fake-ass anime chicks waving their digital tits around while whispering in high-pitched voices about how much they "love your big, strong cock. "
This is how the apocalypse begins, I will declare. Disregard climate change and conflicts. It's VTubers. Sooner or later, they'll dominate every adult site, and before you realize it, you're surrounded with 3D waifus fake-blushing as you attempt to masturbate to "kawaii moans. " You'll be in your basement, weeping over your fleshlight, begging for only one authentic video of Riley Reid or Angela White, but you won't get it! That archive has been destroyed by fire. AleKirser is giggling like a schoolgirl while her avatar waves at you. Is this what you want? When you give her $15 per month on Fansly, are you casting your vote for this future? Wait till your great-grandchildren are only able to pronounce "anime mommy" because they can't even spell the word "MILF. " It's disgusting.
Also, let's not pay attention to the crying. Ah, the lamenting. A person who sounds like they're suffocating on helium while acting as if they're experiencing an orgasm is the epitome of "sexy. " Does this make you happy now? Have we reached this point? This polished, neon-lit anime nonsense is not what porn should be; it should be genuine, raw, and sweaty. And what happens when you eventually meet a real woman who doesn't sound like Hatsune Miku having a nervous breakdown? Do you even know what to do? Or will you just weep over your lost 2D waifu while instructing her to "put on the cat ears and say nyan-nyan"? May God assist us all.
The Porndude Commits Smut
I will concede that there isn't much to say about AleKirser. With the exception of her Reddit entries on r/gonewildaudio, she doesn't produce a lot of sexually explicit material. Yes, she seems to be writing smut. BLASPHEMY. Like a horny English teacher, am I supposed to just sit here and analyze her sensual use of language? "Indeed, her Shakespearean description of his throbbing cock as 'thicker than a tree trunk' was exquisite. " Not at all. I have a better thought. Rather than having me — ThePorndude — write smut, why not let me? Indeed, ladies and gentlemen, I am about to become the king of Reddit erotica. Consider "ThePorndude's Dirty Tales". Every tale is packed with throbbing cocks, dripping pussies, and countless orgasms. While I whisper sweet nothings into your symbolic ears, I'll make you squirm in your seats, begging for more.
A sneak peek: "You've been a bad girl, haven't you? " You will learn a lesson from your father. I'll pin you down, with my cock throbbing against your thigh and disgusting vows about what I'll do next murmured in your ear. Look! It's simple. Heck, I'll even add a few bizarre metaphors for flavor. “Her pussy was wetter than a frat party's Slip 'N Slide. ” Gold. Pure gold. To be honest, why am I even bothering to evaluate VTubers when I could be producing dirty masterpieces and earning Reddit karma? By the time you finish my novels, you'll be moaning my name instead of AleKirser's whine. Perhaps I should begin an audiobook series as well. Imagine my deep, attractive voice saying something like, "I slid my cock into her tight, wet heat, and she cried out, begging for more. " You're welcome.
The Porndude Becomes a VTuber
Okay, let's go back to AleKirser. She allegedly has a Fansly where she streams lewd content, offers audio orgasms, and possibly interacts with her followers. I think it's cool. However, $15 per month for a fictitious woman who is making orgasm noises? No, thanks. That's not my vibe. I can't help but question, though: what if I turned into a VTuber? Imagine this scenario: as you hurl money at me as if I were a stripper at your neighborhood dive bar, the Porndude's famous bobblehead is teaching you about the best porn available live on stream. I was able to accomplish it. While you all laugh and throw me money, I could stand there and complain about big tits and sloppy blowjobs. "Hey, Porndude, what's your favorite MILF scene? " Suddenly, my top 10 list appears live on stream. "Which lubricant is best for anal use? " I've got your back, man.
And the potential for selling goods should not be overlooked. A life-sized pillow with my likeness giving you a thumbs up, Porndude-brand fleshlights, and perhaps a Bobblehead Porndude mug. Genius. Seriously, what is stopping me from doing this right now? I could transform the VTuber industry all by myself. No more adorable anime girls giggling and uttering "ara ara. " It's just me ranting about boobs, pleading for advice, and pointing out why genuine porn will always be superior to this artificial, digital garbage. I'd definitely sell out a bit, though. I might wear cat ears to get more money. However, what do you know? At least I would be truthful about it. And unlike AleKirser, I'd offer you something that's worth your time.
Are you prepared for the porndude VTuber movement? Since I most definitely am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a VTuber model to create and some filth to pen. Keep it hot, fellas.
Only a farewell, no definitive decision
Alright, let's bring this to a conclusion, shall we? I'm aware that you're anticipating some huge conclusion, some last word on AleKirser, but frankly, what would you like me to say? She is undoubtedly interested in expressing her sexuality, yes. For all you literary perverts, she has Reddit smut, a Fansly for those who enjoy obscene live streams and audio orgasms, and that's about it. However, you have another thing coming if you believe I'm going to sit here and sing her praises. Hey, if this is what you like, go for it. Read her erotic material and cum multiple times. Join her Fansly and have fun with her calling you daddy in her cringy anime voice. Enjoy yourself, man. However, in my case? No. I'm out.
I'm not a fan of this whole VTuber fad. I'm a man of substance—or, at the very least, a man who requires some flesh in the mix. What turns me on are real porn, real breasts, and real moans. I'm not here to waste my time with some virtual anime woman who's trying to persuade me that she's sexually excited. Am I supposed to be turned on by this, for example? Her pretending to have an orgasm while waving her virtual hands about? I appreciate it, but no. I want sweat and skin, and I want the sort of material that makes you feel like you've just walked into an actual orgy. But AleKirser isn't that way.
But hey, perhaps that's your thing. Perhaps you're reading her pornography on Reddit right now, with your pants around your ankles, while whispering "AleKirser-senpai" under your breath. Perhaps you are eagerly awaiting her next immoral broadcast and have already joined her Fansly. I suppose that's alright. You do you. But I don't understand. Paying $15 a month for the pleasure of hearing some girl giggle in a high-pitched voice and fake moan like she's trying out for a hentai just doesn't make sense to me.
What are we trying to accomplish? Do you want her to pay attention to you? You're hoping that she'll use your username and say something like, "Oh, my big, strong daddy, [insert your username], you're making me so wet" in order to call you out by name. Warning: she doesn't give a damn about you. She pays attention to the money you're throwing at her. Furthermore, did you know that? That's great for her. If she's getting rich by taking advantage of horny guys who can't distinguish between a genuine orgasm and a fake one, then she's more intelligent than the rest of us put together. But I don't have to believe it.
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